I'll just leave this here before I say goodbye

Law Suit?

FYI Mr. Bossy Pants: My Dad's a lawyer!

Just to clear up any confusion

Awesome.

Look at what I bought:

It's a Swiss Army brand USB drive. I'm going to be the most rugged kid in the computer lab. Not only that, but it has a retractable ball point pen. It's the greatest thing in the world! I can't wait to pretentiously lean over and tell the person next to me all about how cool this is and how awesome I am for owning it. I mean, I am awesome because my dad is a lawyer, but this just solidifies my coolness.

You guys remember that movie where the guy was out in the wilderness rock climbing and got his arm trapped by a rock, so he had to cut it off with a knife to survive? Well, I can't do that with this. But like, say I was attacked by a wild bear, who's all hairy and sweaty and looking at me like he wants to gobble me up...oh, I'm already wetting my pants just thinking of that big angry bear....anyway,  I could like, whip this out and draw him a scary picture or show him a power point presentation on why bullying is wrong.

I also ordered a bunch of other pretentious shit I will never use. Look:

and:

Oh, I ordered these through a super secret members-only site that sells shitty products at really low prices.

If you're interested in joining, click here.

NC State

In Honor of the Game...

I have reposted my old license plate

My new one just got here though:

At Least I'm Not Quirky.

As you may have already noticed, I'm incredibly vain. As such, I just assume that the stuff I own is both better and more interesting than the stuff you own and you'd naturally want to see it so you can be just like me. I mean, my dad's a lawyer, so naturally I have good taste. With this in mind, here's my cabinet in my kitchen:

 Here's my bathroom medicine cabinet:

Here's my nightstand drawer:

Here are my old playthings from when I was still with the Christian Service Brigade, before I felled out with them.

For A Few Of My Friends

Car Wash

So I went to the car wash today, but I couldn't afford to go to a reputable one since I'm broke. You'd think that my father would give me some money for a simple car wash, seeing as he's a lawyer and all! But no! Instead he just yelled at me and called me entitled and self-centered or something, I don't know, I wasn't listening.

Anyway, I had to go to this shady place off of Wilkinson Blvd.

This place was so low tech that they didn't even have a drive-thru car wash! The woman wanted to wash my car by hand! What is this? Mexico?

Anyway, you should have seen the crazy cars there! I mean, I wonder how much this McDonald's employee spent washing his car:

Way to super size your rims idiot! That's perfectly legit!

So, they didn't do the best job with my precious car, but for some reason I think I will be back.

Unless my Dad, who is a lawyer, finally comes to his senses and pays me my much deserved allowance!

Funny.

How I Get Dates

Degree Level: Doctorate

I ordered my cap and gown for graduation. And by ordered, I mean I paid $60 to rent it for three hours. $60. To rent it. For three hours. Don't they know my dad is a lawyer?! Ugh!

Just in case you didn't just read the above sentence, I'll repeat it again: I have to RENT my cap and gown for graduation for $60.

Do you know what I could have done with that $60 and 3 hours? I'll show you:

I'm going to talk to my dad the lawyer about this.

I Know What I'm Doing Tonight!

For Kirby.

The Weather.

If you're curious, these are the places whose weather I check frequently:

And here's a picture of a rubber band I play with sometimes:

 

This is the back of the shampoo bottle that I read when I'm pooping:

This is the shirt I wear when I'm checking the weather, playing with my rubber band and reading my shampoo bottle:

Evidently...

Evidently...

Evidently, the people who made the sign begging for "Food Bowels" are annoyed that I've made fun of it.

Here's a thought: You're in LAW SCHOOL. It seems to me that before one goes about putting posters up all over the school, one should make sure everything is spelled correctly on those posters. Because it looks unprofessional. It's tacky. And it makes you (and everyone else at this school, which guess what? Includes me!) look stupid. I'm looking for a job. I'd rather not have graduated from the school of misspellers.

See, this school, although it's private, is still open to the public. Your misspellings and mistakes are therefore seen not only by the other students here, but by members of the community. And they notice them.

I didn't even notice to your silly sign until it was pointed out to me by a lawyer who said, "Please tell me you've seen this sign for the blog." A lawyer. Not a law student enrolled at this school.

Professionalism matters. You ain't got it.

And anyway, whats wrong with bowels? I love bowels. Big ones. Little ones. I love bowels on my face. 

When I saw that poster OMG yall I felled out!

Did I mention that my dad is a lawyer?

My Professor

My Professor.

My professor has just mocked the volume and size of my Land Use paper from last semester. I have him again for Art Law. He was explaining the parameters of our papers for Art Law, and goes, "I had a student last semester that spent $9 on a binder at Office Depot"...and "used lots of pictures."

I think he realized halfway through that I was also in this class, because then he started talking about how nice it looked. But said that it was too heavy. Sarah Beth said I started turning red. Also I know he was talking about me because he said that the paper was about the New River in the mountains. Guess what I wrote about? The New River in the mountains.

I don't care. I stole that binder from my dad's office. And I got an A in the course. When I saw that A in the class, OMG yall, I almost felled out!

What's wrong with pictures anyway? My brief for App Ad had pictures, and the judges loved it. Did I mention that my dad is a lawyer?